Does it really matter if it's real?
Oct. 16th, 2023 03:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vitaanteactaI like to think of my identity as being retroactive. If I had never played New Vegas, I probably wouldn't have ever put the pieces together. Every memory from my childhood that points in the direction of "you are Arcade" could have another explanation. All the noemata, memories, and feelings could be fabricated.
I also don't think that matters.
I feel happy. I feel as if I know who I am and what I'm supposed to do, where I'm supposed to be. I have an explanation for my alienation from society. My feelings of disconnect and longing and joy and heartbreak and devotion. If all that was really made up by my brain when I played a very good video game, I don't think it makes it any less real.
The reality of my identitiy is fully internal. You can't fact check this. It has no measurable affect on anything except through the conduit of my body.
If I am dreaming, it is a beautiful, meaningful, glorious dream. It's a dream of the best story I have ever been told and had the pleasure of telling. It's the life I choose to live.
I also don't think that matters.
I feel happy. I feel as if I know who I am and what I'm supposed to do, where I'm supposed to be. I have an explanation for my alienation from society. My feelings of disconnect and longing and joy and heartbreak and devotion. If all that was really made up by my brain when I played a very good video game, I don't think it makes it any less real.
The reality of my identitiy is fully internal. You can't fact check this. It has no measurable affect on anything except through the conduit of my body.
If I am dreaming, it is a beautiful, meaningful, glorious dream. It's a dream of the best story I have ever been told and had the pleasure of telling. It's the life I choose to live.
